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Hand-scribbled legend from a 7-year-old's crayon apocalypse. "Crowing at dawn like it's a boss battle. Wakes the farm, slays the snooze button, and low-key judges your breakfast choices. 'Eggs? Amateur hour. Try chaos nuggets!' Feathered flex: 100% organic sass, 0% chill. #BokBokBoom #RoosterRevolution #DrawnByAKidWhoEatsGlue"