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For years, Elon had Doge’s back. The Dogefather. The tweets. The SNL show. Tesla merch for DOGE. A whole government department named after the dog. Now Doge returns the favor. The midterms are over. The rhetoric got dark. Some people online are openly counting down to Christmas on Elon. Elon needs protection, and even President Trump said it after the midterms: “we’ll have to protect them.” So the most loyal dog on the internet reported for duty. Suit on. Shades on. Earpiece in. Doge Guard stands between Elon and the noise so he can keep building rockets, cars and the future.